High There

I'm sitting in my office waiting for my husband to pick me up from work. Had I known I was going to finish as early as I did, I probably would have found some money for the bus and gone home that way. It's been two hours now, waiting.

Out of nowhere, a scent wafted through my office that smelled like an operating room. It lingered for a few minutes. I was not a fan. Ouchy memories.

I'm pretty anxious about chemo this time. I put it off for a few days because of the schedule at work this week, so I'm not doing it until next Tuesday. I also haven't heard about the PET scan I had this past Monday, so I guess I'm anxious about that too. My assumption is that if anything had been terribly wrong or there was significant (negative) change I'd have gotten a phone call. Who knows?

I don't think I posted this in my blog, but it's been all over Facebook and Twitter - I had an MRI (brain) a couple of weeks back and was told that the largest tumor, the one that is on my brain stem - is totally gone. It was actually a little surreal how the Radiation Oncologist told me, he said it in passing as if it was nothing. It's not nothing... This is a HUGE deal! Oh well.

I got Marinol for nausea and appetite, I chose it over Emend (which was 60 dollars for three pills, Marinol was 15 dollars for 30 pills). It actually worked really well the first few times I took it - I managed to eat an entire plate of food which was not a common occurrence the previous week or two. I took it over the weekend when I was on the way to dinner with family (so I would want to eat) and again the following morning. Dosage says to take it every six hours, but after an hour or two on Sunday I was sitting in the car (not driving, before you ask) and suddenly...

I was actually high/stoned. It was not happy or pleasant, and I slept most of the two hour drive home because I could not deal with how weird I felt. My only theory is that it had been about 12 hours since my previous dose and it hadn't fully metabolized in my system. Needless to say, I'm actually afraid to take it again because the experience was so unpleasant. I'm refilling my Zofran tonight, so that's good.

There isn't much else going on. I'm sleeping well, I'm pretty happy... The pain in my left leg has diminished immensely and I'm actually walking normally most of the time (unless I've been sitting for a long time). I bought some new shoes which are also amazing... And I also think that helps my feet/walking. I'm anxious to feel even better so I can start walking around the neighborhood.

That's all, for now. I went to Amish country but I'll talk about that another time.

I have a lot to say, apparently.

Sorry, this got kind of long.

I hung up my cleats for the season (Did I even put them on? Can't recall.) effective last Friday. We did a short bike ride of about 4 miles last Friday evening and while I felt fine at the end, the pain in my leg turned up a few notches and I was in agony for the weekend.

I had chemotherapy on Thursday (10/2) and am working today. I'd kind of hoped any stiffness or pain would hold off until tomorrow, but it has started already. It was interesting - for most of Thursday (after chemo) and Friday, I was pretty much totally pain free. I thought it was the steroids, but now I'm thinking it was the heated chair I was in for treatment on Thursday afternoon.

Tonight there's a party for the cycling team I rode for during the National Bike Challenge. I rode 248 miles over 58 days this summer. While I am in awe of those of my friends whose own numbers were in the thousands of miles, I'm pretty damn proud to have been able to get on a bike and ride at all. Unfortunately, my health did not allow me to ride more than I did, but that's okay.

That's not to say it hasn't been hard not to ride - physical limitations aside, it hurts me not to ride mentally. There's a Critical Mass ride? I want to go. I want to be there with my friends. I can't. Team ride? Same thing. I feel like I'm letting people down, and I don't know why. It's hard for me to put my health first, sometimes.

So anyway yeah, this party. My leg is so stiff right now, it's crazy. If I make it to this shindig I will warn you now - I'm not getting up once I sit down. I apologize in advance. Right now, I have to endure about a split second of excruciating pain every time I get up. Then, I can kind of walk. So if I wince, please don't panic. I'll be able to take some pain meds too - I'm a little less worried about being looped up at a party than I am about being looped at work.

My oncologist informed me that since my previous labs on 9/18, that my hemoglobin was low (it went from 10.6 to 8.2. I am to watch for shortness of breath and other symptoms, and labs will be re-drawn next week. If my hemoglobin drops again, I'll need a blood transfusion. I also have an MRI and a consult with Radiation Oncology to discuss how the CyberKnife treatments worked, and what my next step would be. Think happy, tumor melting thoughts okay?

The weather has turned cold, and I mean drastically. Yesterday it was in the 70s. Now, it's in the 40s. This could also be contributing to my "old lady hobble" as I like to call it. I feel kind of like hiding under the covers, but that's boring. Less than an hour to go at work, and then I can rest for a while.

After this cycle ends, I will have a PET scan to see where the cancer is active, or if it's active. A CT scan will show spots where cancer has been active, but will not display current activity. There will likely always be spots, even if the cancer goes completely away in an area - it's kind of like a scar. Then, I will have one more round of my current treatment, and then I will begin some form of maintenance therapy in hopes to continue controlling the cancer.

They found another mutation but it's not serious. I will update later.