Gripes

I really thought I skipped the aches and chills with this chemotherapy cycle, but I didn't. There's no sign of a fever, but the tiny hairs on my arms/legs feel like pins when they brush up against my bedsheets. It feels like I'm freezing, when in fact I'm wearing a sweater and pants (and socks!) while covered up in bed. It's kind of annoying, honestly.

I stayed home today because of the pain, and spent most of the day in bed with our cats. Tomorrow (I hope) will be better. In the meantime, I've taken pain meds and am relaxing in the living room.

So far, my appetite has been okay - I'm better off nibbling on things as the day goes on instead of having three meals. My husband made chili tonight and it was delicious - I think the spiciness really warmed me up. I feel less chilly now.

I really hate missing work, but I have to tell myself that this isn't the sniffles - it isn't some 24 hour "bug" that I have... It's a serious illness and I need to take care of myself. As obvious as that probably sounds, it's so hard to accept sometimes. I hope the chills stay away tomorrow.

I'm a foodie, HONEST! Pass the Lunchables.

Hook. Me. Up. 

Before I started IV chemotherapy I considered myself quite the foodie. I still do, really. It's just... None of that foodie stuff sounds good as of late, and even if it did - I'd be afraid to spend the money on something that will only repulse me 15 minutes later. 

Sorry, chefs.

My husband and I went to a barbecue joint sometime after the first chemo cycle started and I ordered a pulled pork sandwich. I know this place is good, I was looking forward to it. When the food came, I just...Couldn't. I picked at the fries and poked at the sandwich but never actually took a bite. We'd gotten to know the server a little by this point (it was our second visit, I think - and it's a local joint) so when he came to check on us and I hadn't had a bite, he looked concerned. I wasn't going to bring up cancer or chemotherapy, but I felt I owed him an explanation for not eating what was very likely amazing food (we can smell their smoker from our house, it's such a tease). So, I told him that I had just started chemotherapy and I apologized. He understood, said some encouraging words...And my husband got a pulled pork sandwich to take for lunch the next day. 

Some people have described things having a metallic taste, and the only thing that's happened for me with is plain water. Food either just doesn't sound good, or becomes completely disgusting 1/3rd of the way through whatever it is I'm eating. I was warned by nurses not to eat things I like when I feel this way, because it will ruin that meal/food forever. As of now, I'm ruined on Chipotle and Dewey's Pizza. Sorry. 

I presently love the orange chicken my husband makes. I haven't gotten tired of it, so far. I know this is a huge risk, but it's probably one of the few things that I'd still consider to be foodie-esque (I know that's not a real word) that I will eat. If he asks me if I'd want to have it for dinner, I will always say yes. 

Guess what I'm having for dinner tonight? Orange chicken. 

My birthday is coming up, and if I could really have anything in the world, it would be Toll House cookies from my mom, and fried chicken with mashed potatoes and corn (and dinner rolls) made by my dad.  Not pre-made and driven up here, either. I want them to come to our house. I know they can't, but that's what I'd want if I could have anything to eat that I wanted on my birthday. 

This is day 2 after chemotherapy, and I feel okay. I'm tired, and I'm a little stiff. My leg is pretty painful, but the heating pad helps. I stubbornly avoided pain medication today - partially because I couldn't remember if I actually took it. I'm employing the pill case again, don't worry. I'm in good spirits and have had a great day, overall. My husband ran errands and brought home BBQ brisket sandwiches from another local favorite, Mister Brisket. No frills, it was what it was. Delicious. We ate on our balcony/porch, but it was a little chilly. 

I'm on the last day of a three day course of steroids, and as much as I hate them, they've actually helped my appetite, I think. Also instead of Zofran in my pre-meds, I had something called Emend, a long acting anti-nausea/emetic. I like it. I can't take Zofran until tomorrow night because of it, but have been cleared for Compazine or Xanax (evidently that also helps nausea) if I need it. So far, so good. 

There's the chalk festival going on this weekend, and I think we're going to try to make an appearance. Usually I plan out a drawing, but I haven't this year. I may fall back to one of my roses (though I usually chalk birds), because they're so fun and calming to draw. I hope my leg feels better - or I might worry about getting off the ground once I'm done chalking!

There's a bike ride planned for my birthday by my friends who run Slow Roll Cleveland and whether I can ride or not, I will be there. If they promise to make it not hilly, I'll ride as long as I'm able. I miss my bike. With the pain in my leg, my doctor has cleared me for biking so long as it's not strenuous. This is where a vacation to Columbus might do me some good. There's a trail along the river that isn't hilly at all (there are mild inclines, but none I'd really call hills, unless you're exiting the trail and then still - no big deal). 

Back to the food thing, though. I have a food blog I used to write in quite frequently - nowadays I don't know how much help I'd be if I wrote "Chef _______ makes a great foie burger. Tasted like vomit two bites in. Rest of my table assures me it's delish and must be my taste buds.". 

All I can say is, 

Wow. Such incompetent. Very annoy.

I haven't been posting a lot here, because I've been participating in a blogging/journaling trial that pays me - so that has become a bit of a priority. Sorry, I'm all about the dollar dollar bill, y'all. (sarcasm)

I had an appointment today to talk about the CT scan I'd recently had (Monday) and was supposed to have blood drawn 20 minutes prior. Well, I get to the Central Lab (where they draw labs for people with ports) and my nurse doesn't have me on her list. We find out through some sleuthing that my lab appointment was placed at the normal lab (why?). Whatever, they correct it. Then about 30+ minutes later, my port nurse comes to tell me that they made the lab appointment...

...But didn't order any labs. This is the THIRD time this has happened.

By this point it's about 45 minutes from when I originally arrived, we've blown past my oncology appointment by 30 minutes and I am livid. I vow that I am going to walk out by 11:30 (this is when I was due to work) if something doesn't happen. I was able to see my doctor, but didn't end up leaving until close to noon - had someone not dropped the ball (I'm looking at you, oncology nurse) I would have been done much sooner and on to work.

Before you comment/ask, yes - I will be filing complaint. If it happens again, I'm switching to the Clinic.

There has been good response in my lungs with the new chemotherapy. The liver is questionable...My doctor said there was a very small amount of growth, but said that the old scan she's comparing it to was actually two weeks before I started chemotherapy at all, and it could be that growth happened during that time (one liver lesion grew a LOT in just four weeks, remember), So for now, there will be two more cycles of this chemotherapy and we'll follow up with a PET scan.

The PET scan will actually show areas with active cancer "lit up", A CT will show areas where cancer is or was, so it's not the greatest indicator of what's actually active right now. After the PET scan, we'll see what to do next.

I've been having a ridiculous amount of pain in my left thigh. Nothing showed on the CT scan, so the oncologist feels that it's muscular. I feel that it's annoying. Oxycodone just makes me numb and sleepy, and Flexeril kind of works... I feel like I'd love to jump in a pool to stretch it out, I don't know. My doctor just said to take pain meds and not to put too much weight on it (no running, lifting weights - she says non strenuous biking should be okay). In a way, I don't feel that it's good enough - but whatever. I don't remember doing anything to provoke the injury, I just want it to go away. I have moments where I can walk like a normal person, but they're few and far between. Otherwise, I'm afraid to get off the couch because it's probably going to hurt. I hate this the most.

My third cycle of chemo starts tomorrow morning. Ice cream is on the menu, I think. We plan to have a nice dinner tonight (before stuff starts to taste bad) but that will depend on the weather.