Just the basic facts, can you show me where it hurts?

Come on, now

I hear you're feeling down

Well, I can ease your pain

And get you on your feet again...

-Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb

There's something a little freeing about a bad diagnosis.

When I stopped the clinical trial, pain came. My right hip started to hurt again. My legs got stiff. Recently, my shoulder started to ache and make my neck stiff. I blamed the cold air, anxiety about the lack of current treatment... But you can't diagnose yourself.

Listen to your body - even if you're afraid of what it's telling you. I have such a good oncology team and I can communicate with them as needed. I mentioned the pain, and my doctor wanted to get a bone scan. The scan turned up additional spots on each thigh bone, and my shoulder area.

When you can't have a cure, answers/explanations are the next best thing - for me, anyway. So that's why my shoulder hurts. That's why my legs have felt weaker. An answer, even one that could have really been a lot better, feels like a weight lifted. I'm going to try a new (to me) medication that is another ALK inhibitor (Zykadia) and see if that works. It looks like radiation will probably be on the menu, soon.

I'm destined to be zapped, hooray!  I mean that hooray seriously - I've responded well to radiation in the past.

I've been ridiculously sad lately. I called off twice last week because of the pain. I contorted myself in odd positions and plied myself with pain meds and trash television to take my mind off of it. No matter how sad I get sometimes though, I choose to live. We will try and try again.

No news isn't always good news, and bad news isn't always as horrible as it seems - sometimes it just changes your path.

Never give up. Never surrender.