Les Symptômes Terribles

Ah, la vache!

Pour mon déjeuner, pêches tendues et du porridge de riz. Très sophistiquée, non?

Oui, non.

Yesterday I was pretty sick in the morning, which left me very hungry in the afternoon yet too gun-shy to actually eat anything, which made me feel even worse... Nausea and appetite loss really suck.

I got home from work and cooked up a steak in our cast iron skillet and wolfed it down. No issues, and I felt much better, for a while. I cooked dinner a few hours later but wasn't hungry. Part of that was likely because I had eaten just a few hours before, most of it was that I just didn't feel that great.

I decided to go to bed a little after that, and rest for awhile. I took Benadryl to help me sleep. One of our cats accidentally scratched me as I was playing with her, and I had a total meltdown. Yes, she drew blood and it hurt - but I was completely sobbing. I know it wasn't just because I had a cat scratch - I've had many "scratches" in the past years that have left me scarred and sore. This was minor, but I think I'd just had it. I'd been doing so well for a few days, it was defeating to have a crap day in the middle of nowhere. I'm over it now, for the most part - but the fact that I still feel weak and a little fragile is upsetting. I did quite a bit more walking (briskly, yay!) than I have in a while, and my hip and joints are suffering some, as a result. I'm waiting anxiously for my city to release the winter schedule for water aerobics so I can start that up again.

Today I managed to eat a bowl of cereal and not get sick, but I still didn't feel right. My head sort of hurts, and I'm (of course) tired. I brought leftovers from yesterday's dinner - locally made pierogi with sauerkraut and sauteed onions (yummy, minus onions) but I've not been brave enough to eat them yet. Instead, I am eating rice cereal (for babies) and strained peaches. They're easy on the stomach, but not as protein enriched as my doctors would probably like.

I got lab results back (at least, they were finally posted so I can access them). My hemoglobin and red blood cells are a little low, just below the normal threshold - they were evidently okay enough to continue treatment without a blood transfusion, but we'll see what happens next week. Thankfully, I am off treatment this week, perhaps that will give me some time to recover.

I am hoping to feel normal tomorrow, since we're visiting with family for Christmas. I need this time of year. Not for presents or anything like that, but it's just so warm and nice. It's really hard to be sad or mad at Christmas.

We went to a basketball game last week, and that was so fun! I bought a shirt and was as giddy as a tourist about it (even though our team lost). I hope we get to go to another game soon.

Happy Holidays to all of my readers, friends and family. I couldn't fight this battle without you. Love and caring are great medicines.

Maybe We're Crazy...

It's amazing the crazy things you'll do when you have to.

Sometimes when I'm sitting on my bed giving myself a Lovenox (blood thinner) shot I laugh to myself and think, "Who on earth would willingly stab themselves in the stomach with a needle?" but I do it anyway, because I have to.

I've had people ask me "Why on earth would you want to do chemotherapy? That stuff is POISON! Here, eat lemons instead." Wait, seriously? I mean, it's not like I *enjoy* chemotherapy - does anyone? I seriously don't see anything like this happening

This never happens.

...But you do what you have to do. Sometime it's unpleasant -  but that's the reality. There's science behind its efficacy, there's no science to your lemon juice enemas.
If there's one thing I've learned, is that you really need to communicate with your doctors. Anyone I've worked with has always had a "Help me help YOU" mentality. You don't feel well? Tell them. Some weird side effect? Tell them. ASK QUESTIONS. This is basic, but I've know plenty of people who would soon rather not go to the doctor at all, or wait until whatever they're going through is REALLY bad, or trust the advice of their doctor implicitly - no questions asked. I'm not saying doctors are bad, but you really ought to know about what they're doing for you/to you or prescribing for you and why. Don't gamble with your health!!

C'mon, clean bill of health...Aaaaaand, STOP!

An office co-pay costs a LOT less than a trip to the ER, or an inpatient stay. Do not ignore your body, because it'll tell you something's up - more often than not. I've said it before, if you don't have a Primary Care Physician, you need to get one. Mine truthfully saved my life. I may have cancer, but she found a blood clot in my leg that could have easily caused a heart attack or stroke. I'm grateful that I had a physician to assess me before it was too late.

I had my third round of chemotherapy in the clinical trial yesterday, and I have to say I feel pretty good. My legs are sore, but the previous two days I did more walking than I've done in a LONG time. Pain management is key, honestly. It took me a year, and multiple "Don't be a hero!" speeches from various nurses to realize it. My oncologist actually had the best words for me, and they were basically that if my pain is getting in the way of doing basic/everyday tasks, I'm not controlling it properly. I'd have to honestly say that was the very moment I started staying on top of my medication (with a couple of slip-ups, sorry doc).

I was given Benadryl for one of my pre meds, and it's wonderful. It helps to prevent allergic reactions and it has the added bonus of making you sleepy. My husband came to visit and I was evidently snoring through most of his visit. When I got home, I slept and then slept some more. The only gripe I've had is that in the past two weeks I get leg aches about an hour or two after I get home. Yes, I mentioned this to my nurse!

I was well enough last night to cook dinner for three people and I actually ate it all. I gained the four pounds back that I'd lost last week from being so sick - I suppose that's good? Now is not the time to diet, I know.

I'm looking forward to Christmas, especially if I keep feeling the way I do now. The worst thing I've got going for me now is fatigue, and that's been pretty common any time I've been in treatment. It's okay, I still go places and am as social as I can be, but some situations are still overwhelming. I have to sit down a bit, and got a little sore when I was standing in the kitchen for a long time - but it's easy to fix... Just sit down. Duh...

For the record, I still dislike Chipotle (though calorie-wise that's probably a good thing) and ice cream. Ice cream!? Blasphemy!! How could you, body?! No fair. No fair at all. I loved ice cream, and now it's just...Meh.

I think I'm experiencing my first real bout of chemo brain, though - and it's kind of funny! I haven't forgotten anything terribly crucial, more or less which exams people are taking at work and what day it is. Not a big deal.

Tonight I'll hopefully be able to bake some cookies, and attend a holiday party for a friend of mine. I hope I'm not too tired!