Hello, 2015!

In 2015 I resolve to kick cancer's ass.

I've felt pretty good lately, it's hard to believe that only a month ago I was having horrible leg and hip pains - it seems like it was yesterday when I was basically writhing in pain, begging my husband to make it stop (while I waited for my pain medication to kick in).

I had to take Tramadol every four hours. If I forgot, it was much harder to control the pain. I'd forget to take the medication, or avoid taking it because I hadn't had anything to eat and was afraid of throwing up, and by the end of my work day I'd hobble to the car while fighting back tears.

Today I take two Tramadol per day (morning and night) and it's more or less a maintenance thing for me. I've had days where I didn't take any at all, and I was okay. Monday, I took a Zumba class and only sat out one song because there were a lot of moves that put most of my weight on my gimpy left hip. I felt good and had some soreness afterwards (but who wouldn't after not attending an exercise class since the spring/summer?) that was easily controlled with OTC pain medication. Cold weather slows me down, and it's been very cold lately. The wind takes my breath away, and the cold makes my body ache. I sat in my living room this afternoon in a hoodie, hat and warm pajama pants.

I can sign up for water aerobics tomorrow, and the classes begin in the middle of this month. I'm excited to exercise again, I've dealt with a lot of pain in my recent past and it's prohibited me from exercising much. I need to get a set of resistance bands like these (I used to lift heavy before I found out about bone metastases) or just see if the gym my husband has access to has them. I miss my bike and I miss weightlifting. I think I'd do far better if it was just a certain food I had to give up, rather than a cherished hobby like cycling.

So here's a question: If you had to, would you rather give up a food you really liked, or a hobby/activity you really enjoyed doing?

I hope everyone is having a great 2015, so far. My mom is here again (she comes up for treatments) and I made pork and sauerkraut for dinner. It's probably the best pork and kraut I've ever made - I switched up and actually used a recipe this time (I did not use shallots or onions) and didn't use beer. The small amount of vinegar really made the kraut tart and I loved that.

Cycle #2 of the clinical trial begins tomorrow. At the end of this cycle, I'll have a scan. It's weird, but I'm actually looking forward to scans (we'll see how I feel when it gets closer to the scan date!).

I have a lot to say, apparently.

Sorry, this got kind of long.

I hung up my cleats for the season (Did I even put them on? Can't recall.) effective last Friday. We did a short bike ride of about 4 miles last Friday evening and while I felt fine at the end, the pain in my leg turned up a few notches and I was in agony for the weekend.

I had chemotherapy on Thursday (10/2) and am working today. I'd kind of hoped any stiffness or pain would hold off until tomorrow, but it has started already. It was interesting - for most of Thursday (after chemo) and Friday, I was pretty much totally pain free. I thought it was the steroids, but now I'm thinking it was the heated chair I was in for treatment on Thursday afternoon.

Tonight there's a party for the cycling team I rode for during the National Bike Challenge. I rode 248 miles over 58 days this summer. While I am in awe of those of my friends whose own numbers were in the thousands of miles, I'm pretty damn proud to have been able to get on a bike and ride at all. Unfortunately, my health did not allow me to ride more than I did, but that's okay.

That's not to say it hasn't been hard not to ride - physical limitations aside, it hurts me not to ride mentally. There's a Critical Mass ride? I want to go. I want to be there with my friends. I can't. Team ride? Same thing. I feel like I'm letting people down, and I don't know why. It's hard for me to put my health first, sometimes.

So anyway yeah, this party. My leg is so stiff right now, it's crazy. If I make it to this shindig I will warn you now - I'm not getting up once I sit down. I apologize in advance. Right now, I have to endure about a split second of excruciating pain every time I get up. Then, I can kind of walk. So if I wince, please don't panic. I'll be able to take some pain meds too - I'm a little less worried about being looped up at a party than I am about being looped at work.

My oncologist informed me that since my previous labs on 9/18, that my hemoglobin was low (it went from 10.6 to 8.2. I am to watch for shortness of breath and other symptoms, and labs will be re-drawn next week. If my hemoglobin drops again, I'll need a blood transfusion. I also have an MRI and a consult with Radiation Oncology to discuss how the CyberKnife treatments worked, and what my next step would be. Think happy, tumor melting thoughts okay?

The weather has turned cold, and I mean drastically. Yesterday it was in the 70s. Now, it's in the 40s. This could also be contributing to my "old lady hobble" as I like to call it. I feel kind of like hiding under the covers, but that's boring. Less than an hour to go at work, and then I can rest for a while.

After this cycle ends, I will have a PET scan to see where the cancer is active, or if it's active. A CT scan will show spots where cancer has been active, but will not display current activity. There will likely always be spots, even if the cancer goes completely away in an area - it's kind of like a scar. Then, I will have one more round of my current treatment, and then I will begin some form of maintenance therapy in hopes to continue controlling the cancer.

They found another mutation but it's not serious. I will update later.