I'm prepping for a second berry pie right now, the bottom crust is in the oven, the berries are on the stovetop cooling, and the lattice top is unrolled and in the fridge still. I'll put it together and bake it soon.
I'm on my first vacation since I was diagnosed with cancer, and it's great! I've actually managed to sleep - a LOT - and have been feeling generally well rested. My husband participated in a triathlon on Monday and that was AWESOME! We're here for a little bit longer, then heading home.
I woke up this morning not feeling very well, though. Lots of knocking in my chest, nausea, and I was/am cold. I have obsessively (but discreetly - Hi Mom!) been taking my temperature all day and I've got no fever, but chills can be a part of chemotherapy. I took a Zofran and my other dailies and powered through it. Most food has looked awful to me all day long, and I managed to be nauseated most of the afternoon - but I'm okay. I ate enough, and the company I kept more than makes up for the icky stomach.
Next week will begin Cycle #2 of Carboplatin/Alimta/Avastin. This probably means that Sunday will be my worst (and whiny) day. I'm excited to beat the ever-loving shite out of my cancer, so naturally I am looking forward to next Friday.
I also miss my house, and my cats though. The knocking in my chest is (likely) my lung trying to open up more. My breathing is fine, and I've had no fevers since I finished the antibiotics for the unrelated infection last week. The sensation makes me cough, which makes me wheeze a little - and that always makes me nervous. That makes me want to run home, fast. In one particular coughing fit this afternoon I told my husband I wanted to go home, now. I don't feel that way now, but the anxiety still remains. Part of me is not comfortable with being as far away from my doctors/team as I am. My husband assures me that there are oncologists and a hospital nearby, but I don't know them and they don't know me.
The last time I spoke at length with a doctor who didn't know me, she told me I should be considering hospice (this was November, 2013). I was highly offended and her words sparked mental trauma I still fight with once in a while. That hospital stay was horrid, and traumatic in many ways. So while I'm somewhat comforted that there are medical professionals nearby if needed, I can't stop thinking of all the things they can (and probably would) say to me. I'm having a hard time thinking positive about that scenario.
There it is, just a little brain dump. I wouldn't be human if I didn't worry some.
I'm so glad to be where I am, though - and with my family. The combination of my surroundings and the people I'm with make this trip so very therapeutic. I wish I could stay longer - but also have the capability to teleport my doctors here if needed. The weather was dreary today and so I think that's part of the reason that *I* was dreary feeling. My family is pretty damn awesome, though. With them I can weather any storm.
Time to make that pie, now. If you're planning on heading over, it'll be done in an hour or so.
TTFN!
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