There's no place like...

I'm prepping for a second berry pie right now, the bottom crust is in the oven, the berries are on the stovetop cooling, and the lattice top is unrolled and in the fridge still. I'll put it together and bake it soon.

I'm on my first vacation since I was diagnosed with cancer, and it's great! I've actually managed to sleep - a LOT - and have been feeling generally well rested. My husband participated in a triathlon on Monday and that was AWESOME! We're here for a little bit longer, then heading home.

I woke up this morning not feeling very well, though. Lots of knocking in my chest, nausea, and I was/am cold. I have obsessively (but discreetly - Hi Mom!) been taking my temperature all day and I've got no fever, but chills can be a part of chemotherapy. I took a Zofran and my other dailies and powered through it. Most food has looked awful to me all day long, and I managed to be nauseated most of the afternoon - but I'm okay. I ate enough, and the company I kept more than makes up for the icky stomach.

Next week will begin Cycle #2 of Carboplatin/Alimta/Avastin. This probably means that Sunday will be my worst (and whiny) day. I'm excited to beat the ever-loving shite out of my cancer, so naturally I am looking forward to next Friday.

I also miss my house, and my cats though. The knocking in my chest is (likely) my lung trying to open up more. My breathing is fine, and I've had no fevers since I finished the antibiotics for the unrelated infection last week. The sensation makes me cough, which makes me wheeze a little - and that always makes me nervous. That makes me want to run home, fast. In one particular coughing fit this afternoon I told my husband I wanted to go home, now. I don't feel that way now, but the anxiety still remains. Part of me is not comfortable with being as far away from my doctors/team as I am. My husband assures me that there are oncologists and a hospital nearby, but I don't know them and they don't know me.

The last time I spoke at length with a doctor who didn't know me, she told me I should be considering hospice (this was November, 2013). I was highly offended and her words sparked mental trauma I still fight with once in a while. That hospital stay was horrid, and traumatic in many ways. So while I'm somewhat comforted that there are medical professionals nearby if needed, I can't stop thinking of all the things they can (and probably would) say to me. I'm having a hard time thinking positive about that scenario.

There it is, just a little brain dump. I wouldn't be human if I didn't worry some.

I'm so glad to be where I am, though - and with my family. The combination of my surroundings and the people I'm with make this trip so very therapeutic. I wish I could stay longer - but also have the capability to teleport my doctors here if needed. The weather was dreary today and so I think that's part of the reason that *I* was dreary feeling. My family is pretty damn awesome, though. With them I can weather any storm.

Time to make that pie, now. If you're planning on heading over, it'll be done in an hour or so.

TTFN!

Musings of a 5:00AM Baker

I'm not even going to try and pretend like the past few days have been 100% sunshine, because they haven't. I haven't been sleeping, which translates to early morning baking/cooking and binge watching Say Yes to the Dress on Netflix. This morning's episode involves a young girl who is buying her dream wedding dress - she's in remission from Stage IV lung cancer. I am totally crying.

Extreme insomnia started a few days ago when I woke up at 5:30 and proceeded to make a strawberry pie before I went to work. Saturday I was up at 4:00 in the morning. Today, I woke up at 3:00, but was able to nap on the couch (listening to Spotify on earbuds) for a little while. I woke up again at 5.

More Say Yes to the Dress.
More baking - a beer bread using a local (Westlake, Ohio) beer.
More frustration. 

I have some jam with your name on it, bread.

I have sleeping pills - Trazodone - which is actually an anti-depressant... I guess it's working because while I'm not sleeping very much, I'm not terribly sad about it. I think it's time to ask the doctor for something else. I have Ambien, but I don't like it, and I've said why before. I've actually got some Benadryl and a lot of sleep aids are actually antihistamines, so it's worth a shot. Some have also suggested melatonin.

My sister-in-law flew in yesterday and we had such a good time. We got brunch, and then went swimming in Lake Erie. I got a little sunburned (I have tried nearly EVERY sunscreen and there's really only been one that works so far) but I feel okay. I'm not on the chemotherapy at this time, but I still seem to be highly sensitive to the sun. To be fair, it's only been a week since I stopped so it's very likely it's still in my system. Either way, sunscreen is very important! A good friend of mine just bought this and it's cheaper than the other stuff, I've also read very good reviews for it, so I'm ordering it today.

Last night my mother and father-in-law and cousins went to dinner. The in-laws and my husband and I will be headed to brunch in a little while. I expect I will drink a lot of coffee. They're going home afterwards. I might try to sleep, then. I love my family so much - it means a great deal to me that they're here. I served them the strawberry pie I made, and it was a hit!!

My next radiation appointment is Tuesday!