Fighting the Good Fight

Today we visited the Radiation Oncologist to discuss Thursday's MRI. On the day of the scan itself, all we knew was that there were new spots (worms, except not really - it's cancer!) on the brain. We found out that the spots are "teeny tiny" and that they're not an immediate concern, considering I am on treatment for the lung and other mets (bone and liver) via chemotherapy.

We're giving copies of the MRI to my current oncologist to see what he thinks. Right now, the verdict is that the brain metastases are so minor and non threatening at this point, that the Radiation Oncologist wants to follow up in two months and see if anything has grown. My guess (as well as the doctor's) is that the liver is a greater risk/threat and should be stabilized/treated before we'd do anything for the brain. I'm excited for next week's scans to see what has happened. All I know is that overall (aside from the occasional nausea/pukefest) I'm feeling pretty good!

There was a time before I started this trial where I wondered if I'd ever know what it was like to not feel pain again. After two infusions and an adjustment in my pain medications, I started to feel better. Now, I'm exercising and am able to walk a lot more. Today, we walked quite a distance within the hospital and I walked with my husband to the parking garage, instead of having him pick me up. Right now I feel like I've got a little cold or something, because I'm sniffling a lot and it's been a little harder to breathe, but it doesn't feel like it's in my lungs. My O2 saturation is 99/100 and I don't have a fever at all. I'm treating that and just relaxing today.

I honestly expected the worst, today. It's easy to be pessimistic when you've been diagnosed with lung cancer only a day after a routine office visit. Nowadays, I prepare myself for the worst before every visit. I don't think of it as being negative, I think of it as being realistic. Today was a bit of good news, in my mind. Even if radiation is in my future, I feel like I know what to expect. I know if I get radiation, it's possible (if not likely, depending on the type of treatment) that I'll lose my hair. Big deal. All I really want to do is live - and if I have to deal with unpleasantries to survive, then that's what I have to do.

Either you accept that it's truly going to be a battle, or you don't. There really is no middle ground.