Don't let it consume you.

I have negative thoughts, but it doesn't mean I believe in them or entertain them. I thought to myself how funny it is that years ago I would call off work for "mental health days" simply because I was being lazy. Now I have days off with nothing to do and I go stir crazy. Blah, blah...Taking life for granted...Yadda, yadda. Nope. But I got a chuckle. Those thoughts are present, and I could dwell on them and let them consume me, but I don't do that. Waste of time. Moving along...

I'm off work today, and spent most of the day resting (read: sleeping). I had back spasms this morning and my leg hurt some. I got a bit overzealous yesterday and unwrapped a rolled up area rug that had been leaning against the wall (vertically) waiting to be put in the dining room. I pushed the dining room table out of the way and once I unwrapped the rug (it was wrapped in plastic) I unrolled it. 

Did I mention I did this "secretly" when my husband was in the shower? Yeah. 

When he was done showering, he asked me why I did it. I know I shouldn't take on such things by myself - but I guess one of the things that bothers me the most is that I can't really do a lot of the things I used to, as far as helping around the house goes.

I feel bad that my husband takes on a lot more than he used to have to. He works so hard all day long and then comes home and works more. I don't feel like I'm contributing like I should be (or could be) and that bugs me - a lot. I used to be able to do dishes, dust, mop... All sorts of things. The mets in my bones sort of make it painful to stand in one place too long. If anything makes me feel bad/terrible, it's this. Once we have our dining room completely together I'm going to call the cleaning ladies I used to use at our old place and start to have them visit us again. They're wonderful women and they were always thorough and kind. 

I do know about Cleaning for a Cause - but I got put on a waiting list over a year ago and didn't hear anything back. Besides, I'm not looking for a handout - I'm looking for a clean house. Don't mistake, our house isn't dirty by any standard. I even joked that I wished it was, then I'd have something to do on my days off (I can push a Swiffer for 5-10 minutes at a time, after all)!! 

Anyway, if you're a cancer patient going through treatment and need some help around the house, check out Cleaning for a Cause. You may have better luck in your city than I did, and it seems like a really good idea. I'll stick with my ladies. 

This Thursday I give winter the finger and head down  to a warmer climate for the weekend. I don't really remember what warm weather feels like, so I thought it'd be a good idea if we went somewhere to remind ourselves. Hopefully I'll feel up to renting a bicycle to explore some, we'll see. I'm looking forward to sunshine and the smell of the ocean. 

Until next time!