Oh no, they can't take that away from me.

It's about three miles from our new house to the office. How do I know? Well, I rode my bike to work today.

Despite having leg cramps all night long (please don't tell me to drink more water, I know!) my hips/pelvis weren't bothering me as much this morning so I thought it'd be a good idea to try a ride. Biking to work has pretty much zero climb (well, 112 feet but that might as well be nothing, over a few miles). It was actually chilly! I coughed a few times (which actually feels kind of good) but it went well.

I think what helped me be able to ride is the Flexeril I took last night, honestly. I started to get stiff and have pain about two hours after I got to work. I hope I can take it during waking hours, it'd be nice to have less pain/be pain free during the day.

Muscle relaxers aren't doing much for the leg cramps, though. The only way I ever have zero is if I lay flat on my back and am propped up somewhat. The act of shifting in bed, or moving my legs at all usually triggers the cramps. I will address it at the doctor tomorrow, but I'm hoping that they completely go away once the steroid is completely out of my system. I am on my last week of taper, and only take it every other day now (2mg versus 8mg in the beginning).

We're still getting settled in the new place - there are boxes everywhere! It's wonderful to be in the new place. It's beautiful and homey and just such a neat (big!) place to live.

Get MOVING!

I know everyone has had an illness of some sort where it seems like it's never going to get better.

I've been experiencing CIPN or chemotherapy induced peripheral neuropathy for a few days now. It has made me slow and a little cranky, not going to lie. One leg has a perpetual "catch" in it, and my toes feel like blocks of ice in the morning. I really don't like to complain publicly (or at all) so I'll leave it at that, but it doesn't feel like it's ever going away.

One of the solutions is taking steroids, and as I am now almost entirely tapered off Dexamethasone, I don't know that I'm actually willing to go back on it, long term. I know that's stubborn, but it's not like I can't manage. If I felt like taking a steroid actually drastically improved my quality of life, I'd do it - but I'd end up with leg cramps and pain from the steroid, anyway.

We had a great date yesterday evening, I had a pretty good appetite and managed to eat some pretty tasty eel. It's called Una-ju or Unadon. Barbecued eel over rice. Delicious!!

Pretty close to what I had.
Source: Flickr

It's so important to keep moving, even if it's at a snail's pace - and keep DOING! It's so fun and liberating to go on a date and have a conversation in public at a restaurant. Making googly eyes at my husband from across the table still makes me smile - after almost eight years - I hope it never ever gets old! 

Do stuff, seriously. If you're a cancer patient (or someone just not feeling good) with a serious case of the ouches and mopes (like me, sort of) then go outside anyway, if you're able. Two days ago I just sat out on my front steps and BS'd with my mom on the phone for a half hour. I felt the sun on my face and the breeze, and it was awesome. 

I am so glad that many have said that I'm an inspiration to them, but it's times like these I don't feel like I deserve the designation. I've been so whiny lately I haven't really wanted to post a blog, because I knew I'd complain. The thing is, it's okay to be annoyed with the crazy stuff that chemotherapy and cancer do to you.

I want people to know about these things, because they're real and they happen to people and there is unpleasantness and a degree of suffering. I don't tell you about these things because I want you to feel bad for me, to me it's no different than you telling me how your day was. 

Today is moving day! (and I'm at work)

I'm anxious to go home (I have two of those now) and to see my family who has come in from out of town to help. We have a few friends pitching in as well and I'm glad, because there is a lot to do. We have a cleaning team going to the old place tomorrow and Tuesday, but I'm sure we'll both have plenty to do ourselves. I'm sleepy now, so it seems a nice cup of coffee is in order - maybe when I'm done at the office! 

Stuff & Things

I am going to think carefully before posting too much in the coming days, mostly because I'm afraid that this blog will become a sounding board for my various gripes/side effects of chemotherapy.

I woke up with one of the worst headaches I've had in a long time. I filled an ice bag up and secured it to my head using a scarf that my aunt sent me - I must have looked a little silly while I sat there eating breakfast. At least my cats don't judge me - and if they do I can't understand them, so it's okay. I actually held off taking anything for it, and the headache is mostly gone.

Right now, I don't feel bad - but I don't really feel good, either. I ended up taking Zofran earlier (anti-nausea) and am currently picking at my lunch. I ate several strawberries (how I wish they were in season longer, Driscoll's aren't that great!) and a few pretzels. I'm tired but not that tired... It's like I'm in a side effect limbo, I suppose.

The official "big" moving day is drawing near!! My husband has been taking little carloads of things over recently, and each time one of the other neighbors has come out and offered to help him. On the occasions that I have been with him when this happens, I feel a little sheepish for not having armloads of boxes, myself. Pinterest has been keeping me sane, because I get to sort of pretend that I'm shopping for items for our new place. It's fun, and gives me ideas for later. I definitely want to decorate and furnish the new place like it's a home (it is, after all) so I can keep all my ideas neatly in one spot!

I have a lot of friends that are riding in the Pan Ohio Hope Ride, which involves biking 328 miles across Ohio - all in the name of raising awareness about cancer. I hope to do the ride one of these days, maybe (realistically) in a year or so. I need to work on this stupid cancer first!!

Jeni's Ice Creams brought back their peach jam ice cream and I am ready and willing to sample it, for uh... Science!

When I left the hospital yesterday, it felt like we'd magically transported to September. I love the cooler weather, though it means beach trips would be kind of chilly. I've only been out to swim at the lake twice this year, and I definitely want to go more - but the cooler weather feels so nice, it makes me want to be outside more.

I won't bother reporting on my Decadron/Dexamethasone withdrawals, they exist - life goes on. 

Soup sounds delicious right now. Do you have a favorite recipe? I'm looking at French Onion soup (my husband just picked up sweet onions at the market) and Posole. Post a link to your favorite soup recipe in comments if you want!

A lot on my plate...

Get it?

We started moving stuff into the new place yesterday. It was so great to be able to go in and check things out. Can you believe I never actually looked at the bathroom? No claw foot tub, but it'll do. I love all the storage space we have. We bought a new bed, too. We'll have a guest bedroom and a bed for that as well. It feels like we're living in a real house (we kind of are!).

I'm continuing to taper the steroids. Yesterday was probably one of the worst (waking) days I've had with side effects. My face actually felt swollen (it still does, sort of) and I actually had cramping everywhere. My fingers seized up as I was slicing... An avocado (Gasp! More avocado talk! My interest in them is waning somewhat, though). My back tensed if I twisted a certain way, and my legs cramped several times throughout the day, while they normally only happened at night, before.

I was able to sleep pretty peacefully last night, I didn't wake up at all with a cramp - and actually didn't even take any muscle relaxers or pain medication. I took magnesium and potassium (as directed by the oncologist) before bed, so perhaps that's actually helping!

When I was told that I would start Carboplatin/Avastin/Alimta tomorrow, the doctor and nurse both told me to "eat up" because my appetite would go away, most likely. Today, I got similar advice in an online support group I post in:

"That's quite the combo you've got coming your way. I'm sure I don't need to tell you but eat up and drink up in the days before."

So, there it is. Tonight I think we're having barbecue (there's a rib place just down the street from our new place) and I've insisted on ice cream afterwards (if I am still hungry).

Speaking of barbecue, I am now somewhat fascinated by this list of the supposed 30 best BBQ places (according to OpenTable, anyway). Some of them aren't that far away from me and I'd kind of like to go to some of them.

I want to share something that has been going on for a while now, ever since I started having muscle weakness and pain associated with the steroids, anyway. I've been riding my bike to work but have found that my legs cannot carry me up the 5% grade to my house as of late. When I try, my legs will stiffen and cramp - I almost fell off my bicycle when I couldn't bend my knee to continue pedaling. My husband has been taking me home from work, putting the bicycle in the car. As much as I hate to do this, and as much as I wish I could ride more - I take so much pleasure in being able to make the short trip to work. Since I'm feeling a little better, I hope to take longer trips through the neighborhood's mostly flat roads.

It's such a little ride, but it's mine to make. I'm glad cancer hasn't taken that from me, and I'm glad that my husband is there to make sure I get home safely.

Weekend Recap

I've had a pretty busy and exciting weekend, I hardly know where to begin!

Unfortunately allergies or some annoying bug is in the air and I've been dealing with stuffy ears and throat for the past several days. Drinking a lot of fluids seems to help, though I keep forgetting to refrigerate my Gatorade, and that helps with the leg cramps that I get in the nighttime.

Friday I met with Beth from Lungevity, who came in from California to meet with me and a few other Cleveland area folks about putting on a fundraiser event in Cleveland in the late spring of 2015. We brainstormed and came up with some really good ideas. I'm excited to be a part of an event that will undoubtedly be fun, information and help raise funds for lung cancer research.

Saturday we went to the market and I got to test out my new sunscreen some more - it's called Sun Bum (SPF 30) and I wore it around noon, and again in the later afternoon sun (at the beach) and did not burn at all. I'd tried a few other things (Alba Mineral Sunscreen, SPF 30, Alba Hawaiian Sunscreen, SPF 45 and Coppertone Sport, SPF 50) and would burn without fail. So, looks like Sun Bum is the way to go for me!

We bought a sun shelter like this one (in fact it is this one) and brought it with us to the beach and it was fantastic. There was a lot of sand so it took some work to stake the umbrella, but it is amazing so far!

I realize that a lot of this post sounds like I'm a shill for sun care products, but I'm not!

I have scans today, which I think are part of the protocol for the clinical trial I'm in (MRI & CT). They'll also be accessing my port for a blood draw which is super weird (it doesn't hurt me, but the *snap* sound as the needle/thing hooks in is sort of weird and makes me feel a bit inhuman...). I'm pretty tired, but I think that has to do with the humidity and heat. We should have a reprieve from both starting tomorrow, for a day or so anyway.

I'm on the lookout for grocery panniers or other bags that will attach to my bicycle. I don't mind riding of course, but having a bag on my back (especially where the cross-strap hits right on my port) is annoying, especially on uphill treks. I've gotten a few suggestions and am mulling them over now. If anyone has any more ideas, I'm open to suggestion! When we move, we'll be easy biking distance to the grocery store. I don't want to have to drive to the grocery (at all, if we can help it) so they'll be useful then too!

As I briefly touched on in my last post, my hair has fallen out some. It's weird, if nothing else!! A good friend of mine was kind enough to give me a trim so it looks and feels a bit less obvious that I have bald patches. It feels nice! I'm completely okay with losing my hair - I may get some scarves or even a wig at some point (we'll see what happens with future treatments) but it's okay. It's only hair. It will grow back. 

I'm looking at a website that lists all of the cool stuff that goes on in our new neighborhood. There's so much fun stuff nearby, I'm excited!