Radiation Anticipation

I couldn't sleep last night - I ended up waking up at 3:00 this morning but managed to burrito myself in a blanket until 3:30, at which point I set up camp on our couch with a couple of pillows, a blanket and Netflix. I ended up sleeping until around 6:00, drifting in and out of consciousness between episodes of Futurama. I woke up at 6:00 yesterday despite having taking a sleeping pill (Trazodone) and mini-binged on Say Yes to the Dress.

We had a pretty full weekend - we went to the Farmer's Market on Saturday and picked up a lot of my favorites (Cleveland Kraut, some yummy almond milk from Forty-One that I'm obsessed with, some more strawberries and a quart of blueberries) and a few other things. I made my husband a strawberry pie (as is tradition) for his belated birthday. Later in the evening we spent some time with friends - this was my favorite part of the day, by the way - and headed home late, because I'm a chatty girl.

Sunday was another early start for me (are we shocked now?) so I baked some blueberry muffins and quietly cleaned as my husband slept.

We visited another market in the afternoon on Sunday, and it was a beautiful and sunny afternoon. After the market on Sunday, we came home and I cooked a delicious carnitas dinner! By 8:30 I was exhausted - which might explain why I was wide awake so early today, but it's still probably to do with the steroids.

My participation in the clinical trial (chemotherapy) is on hold as I undergo radiation therapy. Because of this, I'm able to take Pepcid and other antacids that were off limits to me. If I need it, I can also take Zofran now. There are many drugs listed in the protocol for the trial that can cause dangerous arrhythmia, so it was/is important to be aware of those. Thankfully on the time or two I forgot, or didn't know about a particular medication I didn't have any issues, but there was a definite risk.

I'm starting to get a little anxious about the radiation. I guess in a way I'm thinking about how very un-ordinary it is to be doing this, even though a lot of what I do to treat my cancer seems very ordinary to me, anymore. Chemotherapy has been daily for months and months, it's as second nature as a vitamin to me. But yeah, tomorrow - I'll be strapped to a table for two hours in a plastic mesh mask getting beams of highly concentrated radiation shot into various spots in my brain in hopes to kill the tumors inside.

I'm mostly worried about how I'm going to feel afterwards.

I'm still on a never-ending quest for restful sleep. Reflux is getting better at night thanks to being propped up a little and Pepcid - There's minimal pain with the port site now (I lifted a bit too much the other day and it was throbbing for an hour) and it seems to be settling into place. My legs are weak and crampy from the steroids, but Gatorade and potassium tablets are helping that too. Honestly, I just want to sleep. I'll try when I get home this afternoon, but I'm not holding my breath! I have a prescription for Ambien, but I'm afraid I'll wake with that too - and crazy things happen with Ambien when you're half awake... I've experienced it. I say crazy things, at the very least.