Musings of a 5:00AM Baker

I'm not even going to try and pretend like the past few days have been 100% sunshine, because they haven't. I haven't been sleeping, which translates to early morning baking/cooking and binge watching Say Yes to the Dress on Netflix. This morning's episode involves a young girl who is buying her dream wedding dress - she's in remission from Stage IV lung cancer. I am totally crying.

Extreme insomnia started a few days ago when I woke up at 5:30 and proceeded to make a strawberry pie before I went to work. Saturday I was up at 4:00 in the morning. Today, I woke up at 3:00, but was able to nap on the couch (listening to Spotify on earbuds) for a little while. I woke up again at 5.

More Say Yes to the Dress.
More baking - a beer bread using a local (Westlake, Ohio) beer.
More frustration. 

I have some jam with your name on it, bread.

I have sleeping pills - Trazodone - which is actually an anti-depressant... I guess it's working because while I'm not sleeping very much, I'm not terribly sad about it. I think it's time to ask the doctor for something else. I have Ambien, but I don't like it, and I've said why before. I've actually got some Benadryl and a lot of sleep aids are actually antihistamines, so it's worth a shot. Some have also suggested melatonin.

My sister-in-law flew in yesterday and we had such a good time. We got brunch, and then went swimming in Lake Erie. I got a little sunburned (I have tried nearly EVERY sunscreen and there's really only been one that works so far) but I feel okay. I'm not on the chemotherapy at this time, but I still seem to be highly sensitive to the sun. To be fair, it's only been a week since I stopped so it's very likely it's still in my system. Either way, sunscreen is very important! A good friend of mine just bought this and it's cheaper than the other stuff, I've also read very good reviews for it, so I'm ordering it today.

Last night my mother and father-in-law and cousins went to dinner. The in-laws and my husband and I will be headed to brunch in a little while. I expect I will drink a lot of coffee. They're going home afterwards. I might try to sleep, then. I love my family so much - it means a great deal to me that they're here. I served them the strawberry pie I made, and it was a hit!!

My next radiation appointment is Tuesday!

Limited Edition

Undergoing treatment comes with limitations.

There's a monthly (bike) ride happening tonight that I desperately want to participate in. I had CyberKnife yesterday, so I was curious about going on a bike ride tonight. I finally got a hold of my nurse in Radiation Oncology who feels it's probably not a good idea to go on longer rides right now. She asked if I was having any headache and I said yes (which is common, evidently). She didn't think being out in the sun was a good idea right now. The doctor feels it's a good idea to keep rides at a "leisurely pace" and under 10 miles round trip until radiation is complete and I can be evaluated (MRI and CT).

Unfortunately, the total distance for my ride tonight would be at a minimum 16, but likely around 20-22. It really bothers me to not be able to ride longer distances right now. I know I couldn't do a hammer ride or anything - but I feel like if I could go slow enough (10-12 MPH) I could easily bang out 20+ miles...

Bleh.

I'm going to buy some panniers for my hybrid bicycle and start exclusively biking to the store (weather permitting) so that I have that excuse to hop on my bike. I only live a mile away from my office, but the short ride to work in the morning has been liberating. I'm slightly afraid of riding up the hill, because the last time I did that was when I started having headaches - then they found the tumors in my brain.

I understand the reason for limitations, but in a way they make me feel like slightly less of a person sometimes.

CyberKnife 2 : Radiation Boogaloo

Today's CyberKnife music was brought to me by the Mamas and the Papas, for the most part. I have the choice to bring in CDs if I want to, but we've had some mishaps with burning music so I've relied on what they have. Hopefully I will have my own sweet jams for session three.

Initially the treatment seemed to take more out of me. I felt dizzy and a little disoriented - more than before... But maybe my head was just squished a little too much in the mask. I felt and still feel a little more lethargic today. I ate lunch when I got back to work and feel a little better.

I'll be happy when I can lay down and rest, to be honest.

The session didn't last as long, but I was still there receiving treatment for 30-45 minutes. It's not so bad - again the mask is a little surreal and it wasn't on tightly enough at first so when they were setting me up, they had to come in the room and re-adjust me so I was nice and immobile.

There's an oncology social worker that visits me from time to time, and she stopped the room where I was waiting and brought me a card/brochure for art therapy - I can decorate my radiation mask when I'm done.

Art is very important to me, it always has been in a way - I had a job a few years back where I'd bring pens and markers to work to doodle - and eventually my boss took my art supplies from me... That only made me more creative and defiant.

I'm looking to get back into some sort of exercise program. Hopefully I'll be able to lift weights some, but I think I'll be doing it at a significantly lower intensity than before. I'm thinking more about trying yoga, and seeing if I can find water aerobics in my area (the class in the winter was unreliable due to weather and other issues, I'm guessing). I don't feel as fast or as strong right now, but I've got to keep moving.

We did find strawberries yesterday. They're delicious - I had some with breakfast and lunch!!

CyberKnife #1 - A Trip Report

First CyberKnife appointment... Complete!

Truthfully, it wasn't that bad. The weirdest part is having this on your face:

Not mine, just an example!

This mask is tight and I'm not saying "Yo, this mask is TIGHT!" as in that it's cool. No, you will have little "grill marks" across your face for a while after it comes off. After an hour, it's kind of uncomfortable. The mask is screwed to the table, and you cannot move your face or head at all. They also made me a nice little cushion for the back of my head, so that helped. 

As of right now (about 1.5 hours post-radiation) I am tired. Walking up the stairs to my office afterwards was kind of tiring. I feel a little spaced out and dizzy if I stand up too much - but pretty much okay. 

I think I'll probably sleep well tonight, and not feel like doing a whole lot. I was able to eat when I got back to the office (spoiler alert: avocado was involved) and I'm not really nauseated at this point. I was told side effects can crop up in a day or so, but we'll see. 

The mixtape we made to listen to actually didn't work - it stopped playing after the second track... So I had to listen to some horrible opera - which was barely distinguishable over the buzz of the machine anyway. The CyberKnife was a little interesting, the "arm" of the machine moves around as it targets the various tumors. 

On that note, the detailed scans that they performed last week did find additional tumors. The initial scans last month found a total of four - one in the mid-brain (brain stem). The MRI/CT that they did last week takes finer slices (1mm, I think?) and they've located a total of 10. The doctor assured this does not mean the cancer has progressed further, but that the detailed scan was needed to make sure they are able to target EVERYTHING. I'm glad they're so thorough. 

More happy news, no weight gain from steroids. Avocados are the way and the light. Now though? I'm really jonesin' for strawberries. Who has strawberries? Teleport me some?

That's it for now! Go eat an avocado!

Radiation Anticipation

I couldn't sleep last night - I ended up waking up at 3:00 this morning but managed to burrito myself in a blanket until 3:30, at which point I set up camp on our couch with a couple of pillows, a blanket and Netflix. I ended up sleeping until around 6:00, drifting in and out of consciousness between episodes of Futurama. I woke up at 6:00 yesterday despite having taking a sleeping pill (Trazodone) and mini-binged on Say Yes to the Dress.

We had a pretty full weekend - we went to the Farmer's Market on Saturday and picked up a lot of my favorites (Cleveland Kraut, some yummy almond milk from Forty-One that I'm obsessed with, some more strawberries and a quart of blueberries) and a few other things. I made my husband a strawberry pie (as is tradition) for his belated birthday. Later in the evening we spent some time with friends - this was my favorite part of the day, by the way - and headed home late, because I'm a chatty girl.

Sunday was another early start for me (are we shocked now?) so I baked some blueberry muffins and quietly cleaned as my husband slept.

We visited another market in the afternoon on Sunday, and it was a beautiful and sunny afternoon. After the market on Sunday, we came home and I cooked a delicious carnitas dinner! By 8:30 I was exhausted - which might explain why I was wide awake so early today, but it's still probably to do with the steroids.

My participation in the clinical trial (chemotherapy) is on hold as I undergo radiation therapy. Because of this, I'm able to take Pepcid and other antacids that were off limits to me. If I need it, I can also take Zofran now. There are many drugs listed in the protocol for the trial that can cause dangerous arrhythmia, so it was/is important to be aware of those. Thankfully on the time or two I forgot, or didn't know about a particular medication I didn't have any issues, but there was a definite risk.

I'm starting to get a little anxious about the radiation. I guess in a way I'm thinking about how very un-ordinary it is to be doing this, even though a lot of what I do to treat my cancer seems very ordinary to me, anymore. Chemotherapy has been daily for months and months, it's as second nature as a vitamin to me. But yeah, tomorrow - I'll be strapped to a table for two hours in a plastic mesh mask getting beams of highly concentrated radiation shot into various spots in my brain in hopes to kill the tumors inside.

I'm mostly worried about how I'm going to feel afterwards.

I'm still on a never-ending quest for restful sleep. Reflux is getting better at night thanks to being propped up a little and Pepcid - There's minimal pain with the port site now (I lifted a bit too much the other day and it was throbbing for an hour) and it seems to be settling into place. My legs are weak and crampy from the steroids, but Gatorade and potassium tablets are helping that too. Honestly, I just want to sleep. I'll try when I get home this afternoon, but I'm not holding my breath! I have a prescription for Ambien, but I'm afraid I'll wake with that too - and crazy things happen with Ambien when you're half awake... I've experienced it. I say crazy things, at the very least.

Today I learned...

9 hour days are hard.
I can't bike with a full/heavy messenger bag strapped across my chest (yet).
My legs feel weak, thanks to steroids.

That's about it. I'm tired.

Roid Rage

Out of all the medicines I've had to take since I was diagnosed with cancer, I am at my wit's end with one in particular. I feel like a child whining about this, but the steroid I'm on (Dexamethasone) really sucks. There's a laundry list of side effects, the worst (for me) being acid reflux. When I was not on the study drug, I was told I could take Pepcid/Nexium or other things like that. Now that I'm back on the study, drugs like those are a no-go. I have to rely on Tums or some other chewable stuff that doesn't really work. I wake up at least twice a week with reflux so bad I can't get back to bed for at least an hour.

Now, I'm broken out like a leper - and I've plastered myself in calamine all over my shoulders and neck. Yes, this is also evidently a side effect. I hate it. I keep reminding myself that I had horrible headaches before I started this medicine, that in an evening they went away and I slept peacefully - but seriously? There's no end. I looked at one side effect list, and I basically have all of the "minor" side effects. Come on.

In better news, the port area seems to be healing. There's some tenderness, part of me thinks there's a little bit of suture stuck in there, but overall it's not terribly bad. I can feel it "settling" (if that makes any sense) and that's a little surreal.

It's been very hot here. We put the air conditioner in the window and now I don't want to leave the bedroom. That's fair, right?

Oh and if you were wondering, I'm still addicted to avocado. Maybe that's a side effect. Probably. I'll enjoy this sweet romance while it lasts.

Radioactive

Today was the setup appointment for my CyberKnife sessions. I was told it would be a full day, but ended up leaving the hospital after only 3-4 hours. I met the nurse who I'd usually be dealing with on treatment days (she's wonderful) and we talked about the schedule. Treatment sessions will last about two hours each - there is a stereo in the chamber and I was told I can bring in any CDs I want. Time to make some mixtapes!

I got fitted for my mask, and had a CT scan and MRI. They do these scans at a finer detail to make sure they don't miss any little tumor "seeds" that they can target during sessions. The mask wasn't bad, the MRI was annoying... You do what you have to do. You carry on, or you don't. Those are the options, and I choose to carry on!

It was established that sessions would begin in July - but I've since gotten a phone call and radiation begins next Tuesday. I will likely have two consecutive sessions next week, two more the following week and then a fifth the following week. It's not exactly jam-packed. During radiation therapy, I will not take chemotherapy medication. I will not resume it for three days after radiation ends.

All in all, today wasn't that stressful but I'm still pretty tired. The weather decided to warm up and even our ground floor apartment isn't impervious to 90 degree heat and the humidity. It's gross, I feel slow and exhausted. I'm doing laundry (don't worry, I am not lifting anything heavy) and then plan to take an extremely cold shower.

I'm curious about how radiation will affect me. Most things I read say that side effects with CyberKnife are minimal and don't usually show up for weeks (as the tumors start to dissolve/die) if at all. I'm anxious for business as usual.

If hungry + angry = hangry...

Then does happy + tired = hired? I'm hired.

I feel sort of like this weekend flew by, and I'm not entirely sure I remember all of it!

My in-laws did come to visit yesterday - we went to dinner and then walked around at the beach for a little while. The night ended with liquid nitrogen churned ice cream from Piccadilly in Uptown (mmm, salted caramel!). I worked for a little while this morning and then had brunch with my in-laws and husband earlier today.

I'd felt out of sorts all afternoon after that, though. I ended up waking up VERY early this morning thanks to some horrible reflux (thanks a lot, steroids) and ended up staying up for almost two hours while I tried just about anything (Pepto, milk, ice cream, water...) to stop the acid reflux. 90 minutes later I had to wake up for work. We went to the grocery today and I felt compelled to sit down on the floor, my legs and feet didn't want to propel me forward anymore. Luckily, we made it home.

More about steroids, though - they're funny. I hear horror stories about people eating terrible things and eating a LOT - while I'll admit my appetite has been better than it usually is, I've been craving things like avocado/guacamole and this curry kraut made by a local company. I wonder what they taste like together... Heck, I even ate gorgonzola cheese on a salad yesterday and I liked it.

If I wasn't on this ALK study drug, handling steroid side effects would be MUCH easier. They usually prescribe Pepcid or something like it for the reflux, but I'm not supposed to take those things due to potential cardiac issues with the clinical trial drug. I got desperate tonight though, tired of the burning sore throat from stomach acid - I actually took a Pepcid tonight. I feel okay and don't plan on making a habit of it, but last night was so awful I didn't want a repeat later on tonight.

The surgery site for my port is looking good - it seems to be healing nicely. In a fit of desperation to ride my bike today, I biked the short distance to my office. It's about a mile and is normally no big deal, but when I had to get my upper body into the meager incline leading to the campus quad - I really felt a pretty significant ache in my shoulder where the port is. The pain went away after 5-10 minutes and there was no bleeding... But man, do I miss riding my bike. The legs are willing, but the arms don't want to play along yet. I also still have some pain reaching to the left side with my right arm. So far, this only comes into play when I shower - or if for some reason I'm trying to do it on purpose.

Tuesday is the set-up appointment for CyberKnife surgery. They'll do some scans and give me my plastic mask (I'm really looking forward to that one, yep. Sarcasm, by the way). It'll be a week or so before the real deal, so I get to mentally prepare... Some more. I'm so impatient. I want it now. I'm like Veruca Salt singing about her liver biopsy results, or something.

I want results...
I want Foundation...
Treatment, radiation
An Amish vacation! 
GIVE IT TO ME NOW. 

Avocado

I had a pretty emotionally draining day, and little of it had to directly do with cancer. It wasn't all good, but I'm trying to focus on what actually went well. I ended up taking a Xanax, which I have to do at rare times when I can't manage my anxiety.

I participated in a phone call today where I was able to share my story with some local political and healthcare personnel, in hopes to bring a fundraising event for lung cancer to Cleveland. There's still a lot of work to do and more phone calls to make, but I made a start today and I feel very accomplished for my tiny feat.

My favorite farm, Rittman - will have their berries at the market in the morning. I have to get up early so I can get them to make a strawberry pie for my husband's birthday. Later on, we'll hit the Cleveland Flea and hopefully see some friends and family in the process.

My in-laws are coming to Cleveland to visit us tomorrow and I think we'll have dinner - I am not sure what else we'll do but it will be good to see them!

I titled my post "Avocado" because I'm currently obsessed with avocado. I had it on a burger last night, I ate it at the restaurant we went to last week and I may (or may not) have eaten more for lunch today. I know there'll be a time where I'll get sick of it eventually but for now I'm going to ride that yummy green wave.

Streams of consciousness

All I feel like doing is being lazy. 

Yesterday was one of the most tiring days I can remember having in a while - despite most of the day being spent laying down. I didn't really sleep until I was just too exhausted to stay awake anymore. Today my head has been pounding and I've been feeling flushed and tired. I probably should have stayed home, but was worried about being bored. 

Even today I am still just so tired. My vision is fuzzy because my eyes are tired. I have such a comfortable set-up in the bedroom right now, so that's great. 

Using my arm (on the side where the port is) is a little tricky - I can't lift more than 10 pounds for a week, and even doing things like reaching up and opening doors is a little painful. I have things I'd like to do, but I can't right now because of physical limitations. It's very frustrating to feel so useless. I know it's not my fault - I'm realistic about that but it's annoying. 

I'm working on some pretty serious prospects for lung cancer awareness and advocacy here in Cleveland. I hope that what I'm able to accomplish will make waves through the community and touch a lot of lives. I have some meetings to attend (via phone) with both local and some national interests to see how we can work together. Though I know my personal involvement will be very tiny in the scheme of things, I feel very happy to know that I am trying to make a difference and I'm going to be educating people. I hope that the community rallies around the cause and gets a better understanding of the hard fight that is lung cancer. 

I don't remember if I said this yesterday or not but the show Gold Rush is so, so bad. How the main guy hasn't disappeared - buried under  feet of permafrost is beyond me. I cannot. Tear. Away. My sides hurt.

The company that provided my oxygen last year claims they've tried to reach me for weeks and has sent me a bill for 5500 dollars for products I have not needed to use in months. At one point they sent a man to intimidate me to keep the oxygen, saying that if I refused it that my oncologist would be unlikely to prescribe me oxygen again if I needed it - since I was basically going against their orders.

I didn't buy their bullshit, but I bet a lot of people do - and that scares me. The things that healthcare providers tell you are NOT absolute. You can and you should ask questions, and you do not have to agree with the things they ask you to do or suggest you do. When you're being asked to take a drug, have a procedure or a change in your treatment you really need to know what it is you're doing and WHY.

The good news is that they're coming to get their machinery and tanks. I will never use that company again. Hopefully I never need supplemental oxygen again but I know who I'm NOT using if I do. 

I had an ER doctor tell me that my lung disease had spread extensively and that there was no shame in considering hospice at this point (in November). I've never really wished to hit someone in earnest before that day - I sort of hope I never see her again, because she will (at the very least) get an earful from me.

Another tangent? The new tattoo looks so good. 

This post got a little random, my mental fatigue is showing. Tomorrow is another day!

A Port in Girl

I just got home a little while ago from my minor surgeries.

To recap, I had a liver biopsy and a port. They could not do them simultaneously, so I went in and had my biopsy first (around 9:00) and recovered in that department until I could be called to the cancer center for my Medi-Port.

The biopsy was mostly uneventful, the worst of the pain being with the local anesthesia. I was kept very comfortable and all of the doctors were very nice. My parents came to visit me, and that was so important. I didn't realize how much I needed them until my mom came into my recovery room.

The port was a little more troubling to me, for some reason. They showed me what the port looked like and it wasn't at all like I'd imagined. It was/is much thicker but smaller. The pain meds were effective and all I really felt was tugging and pressure. Thanks to the anesthesia my blood pressure is kind of low and I'm very weak and woozy. Not sure I'll go in to work tomorrow - but I feel the pressure to go, because I don't want to lose any more leave time.

I love University Hospitals and the Seidman Cancer Center. Their staff members are always caring and so compassionate. I am so glad to be home, though! I took some pain medication and will spend the evening resting/relaxing.

Friday thoughts

Telling someone that doesn't know you that you have cancer is an interesting experience. The evolution of their facial expressions can be completely awful. The words "I'm so sorry" usually follow. I'm so used to it now, to the apologies and even to having cancer that all I know how to do, is fight.

Today we saw the Neurosurgeon. While we waited, I glanced over at Jeff and noticed he looked worried, so I asked him if he was - and he nodded yes. All I could do is assure him that it's going to be okay, because I am convinced that it will be.

Everything in life is okay, until it isn't. A lot of times, that is all we can ever know. Today, I am not afraid of the future. I cry, but most times it's out of gratitude and awe. I am moved every single day by the kindness of friends, family and total strangers.

My husband is the best of them all.

Tonight we're going to a rib cook-off, and I'm considering it a celebration. Insurance approved radiation therapy, and now we're going to wait for the call for the setup appointment, where they'll do scans and I'll get my radiation mask. I am assured it is highly attractive. Tomorrow, I will try and fix my bikes. One is too small for me, I would like to ask how much it would cost to make it fit me better.

Après la chimiothérapie, un tatouage.

The Clinical Trials Nurse called me two days ago and asked if I'd be able to come in this afternoon to discuss options for treatment. I was a little surprised by the urgency, but it was almost as if they'd heard my plea for urgency.

(taps invisible microphone) Is this thing on? 

I was presented with three options for treatment (that would coincide with radiation).

1. Return to the Roche trial. Originally, this was completely off the table. Once the brain mets were found, the folks running the study basically said that I couldn't continue, since a new line of treatment (radiation) was needed. I'm simplifying, but that's the basic gist of it. The nurse and my oncologist escalated the matter and went to the top of the chain, and spoke to the person in charge of the whole trial. In this option, I'd start on the Roche trial again tomorrow (Cycle #7) and stop a few days before radiation - and begin again a couple weeks after. The oncologist would have me scanned frequently to make sure the disease in my lungs and liver stays "quiet" (yes, this is what they called it - QUIET!). As long as things stayed stable and the cancer was controlled, I could do this option for a while.

2. Traditional chemotherapy. This would be a trio (I forget what they are) that is traditionally used for adenocarcinoma patients. Side effects would be greater than with the trial drug (which amounts to next to nothing, honestly). This option is likely to be inevitable, but we don't have to go there yet.

3. LDK + Chemotherapy (the most aggressive). LDK is an ALK responsive medicine that was just recently FDA approved. There is no study data on the toxicity of LDK (erlotinib) in conjunction with IV chemotherapy. This would be the most aggressive option and would most likely make me fairly weak/sick.

As of now we're going with the first option. I had some labs drawn to make sure there are no issues with blood (probably liver enzymes, etc) that would prevent me from starting the drug again (one week since I stopped). I will go tomorrow morning and pick up Cycle #7 and take the first dose. I meet with a neurosurgeon on Friday to discuss radiation and we expect to begin that in the next week or so. Again, radiation is CyberKnife surgery (which is not invasive, despite the words 'knives' and 'surgery' in play).

Scans will be within 8 weeks of the trial starting again, and my continuance on it will depend on how well the trial drug continues to control the cancer. The spot I am having biopsied on Tuesday was there on the previous scan, it's just "lighting up" more now, and they want to see if there's been another mutation (possibly EGFR), a new ALK "clone" that just happens to be resistant to the new drug, or something else.

From day one, the people at Seidman have had my back. There were times that seemed grim, and they stood by me. They really went to bat for me with this trial drug, explaining to the facilitators that I really had been responding well to the drug - the fact that they went so far for me is very touching and gives me a lot of hope.

As of today I am still technically between treatments, so I decided to go with a friend of mine and have a "procedure" done off-campus.

OH-IO!! Just kidding. I just love Ohio.

So there it is, I hopped over to Voodoo Monkey Tattoo in Ohio City and had this done. My blood levels are good and I got the OK from my doctor - so I went for it. I don't know when I'll be able to have a tattoo again, so I wanted to make the most of my chance! I was born in Ohio, and it will always be a part of me - even if I'm someplace else. It's pretty sore right now, and sleeping may be interesting but we'll work it out!

That's it for now.

Look what I can do!!

This is my husband with me, at a break point in a social bike ride called Cleveland Slow Roll. Slow Roll is a weekly Monday night group bicycle ride. Started by Detroit Bike City Co-Founders Jason Hall and Mike MacKool back in 2010, Slow Roll has grown into Michigan's largest weekly bike ride and has expanded to 5 cities so far. Slow Roll is for everyone, all ages and types of bikes, with a slow pace that's geared to keep everyone together and safe.

A good friend of mine is the organizer of the Cleveland ride, and I try to make it when I can. The ride usually ends at a restaurant, and last night was no exception! We got crazy amounts of delicious soul food, but I'm just not as hungry. Have you ever wanted to tear into a plate of food with reckless abandon and NOT feel guilty about it later? Yeah, I want to do that. I still kind of want to do that. Not on a daily basis or anything, but I want to. I still drank Kool-Aid out of a giant mason jar, though. Pretty sure it had a full cup of sugar in it. I'm not sorry.

This is the first Slow Roll my husband tagged along for, and I know he already knows this but it really made my day for him to go with us. I feel like I'm predominantly a social rider (though I have done plenty of distance tours and even a few time trials) and he's not - so it was sort of a big deal to me for him to ride along. Riding a bicycle is a huge part of my life, and my marriage is also a huge part of my life - it is nice when the two come together.

I'm really impatient about starting treatment, I don't want to wait anymore. I feel a little weird for actually wanting to be radiated - but I'm anxious. Not having any cancer treatment right now feels like using a computer you KNOW is full of viruses. You could do something about it, but for some foolish reason you are not. I know there are procedures in place - steps that have to be taken. I know this. But a creeping fear sets in every time I feel myself wheeze a little when I take a breath.

Let's get moving, already.

Hey, Ellen...

Since I was diagnosed with lung cancer back in August of 2013, I've wanted to share my story with the world. I quickly found out that lung cancer gets the short end of the stick when it comes to research funding and awareness. Lungs can't be made cute or sexy, the awareness ribbon is white - it's hard to market... Not like breast cancer, I get it. Yeah, I'm kind of bitter about it. Can't be helped.

Am I on to something? Call me, Sanrio!

In 2012, just over 314 million dollars was spent by the National Cancer Institute for lung cancer. Twice as much money was poured into breast cancer research despite the fact that lung cancer is the U.S.’s top cancer killer, claiming approximately 160,000 lives per year. It is a devastating disease that can afflict anyone, regardless of smoking history, gender, or ethnicity. One in 14 people will be diagnosed with lung cancer, and it  kills more people than colorectal, breast and pancreatic cancers combined. (Source: Lungevity, Cancer.gov)

So let's try and level the playing field, shall we? Lung cancer is often found by sheer luck. They found mine because I'd complained of a pain in my calf, which ended up being a blood clot in my leg (that I rode a 150 mile, two-day bicycle tour on). The hospital performed a CT scan of my lungs to check for clots and found "too many to count" along with an "unknown mass" on my right lung. If you're reading this and you have lung cancer, feel free to share your story about how it was discovered for you.

In my case, most doctors probably would never have considered a relatively healthy, active and non-smoking individual to have lung cancer. Lung cancer doesn't really have too many symptoms in the early stages, so you don't start seeing signs until it's more advanced.

A lot of times, as I'm sitting in a doctor's office, laying in an MRI tube or just standing in the shower I think to myself... "Is this really my life?" and it's not even in a melancholy way - it's just that you never, ever imagine that it could happen to you. The reality is, this can happen to anyone. As easy as it is for some to dismiss lung cancer as a smoker's disease - it's truthfully not. The very air you are exposed to on your bike, in your car - anywhere at all, can raise your risk for lung cancer. But you don't stop going outside, you don't hold your breath until you collapse, you must keep living...

But we need to understand lung cancer better, and we need to research ways to find out how to cure it. If it really kills upwards of 160,000 annually - which would basically be as if you wiped out the entire population of Pasadena, California every single year... Isn't it time to take notice? I'm asking all of you - please, please do not wait for a friend or family member to get cancer before you start caring about it. Lung cancer isn't sexy, there's no way to make it more fun or pretty to make it more marketable. I'm jealous that the breast cancer awareness movement has that going for it. Breasts can be sexy. Pink is a darling of a color. Boobies, ta-tas... Call them whatever, just stick it on a mug with a pretty font and people will buy it.

If it will get you to donate money for lung cancer research, I'll make you a t-shirt. I'll even sell it to you for a fair price. I won't profit a dime, I just want the money to go to where it needs to be. I'll make buttons. Whatever it takes.

Ellen DeGeneres, I love your show and I love the compassion you show to your guests. You seem to be such a genuinely kind person, which is why I'm reaching out to you here and on Twitter. I want people to know that lung cancer is very real among people who are young, active, and otherwise perfectly healthy. I want people to know that however you came to have cancer, it doesn't matter. You deserve love. You deserve a cure, and you deserve a life. You have the gift of a large audience who loves you and will listen, I want that podium just for a day - just for 10 minutes, to be able to tell people how important this is to me.

Please, let me share your spotlight.

#Cheer4Cara